We’re like the Perez Hilton of dogs.

GREATEST AMERICAN DOG

B: Okay…so we’re officially in love with Andrew, the Maltese. Not only is he TOO CUTE, but he’s got major cohones too. He stood up to an ELEPHANT and didn’t even flinch! Seriously, we were drooling when we were watching him. We also thought he was truly hot as he climbed up that huge blue wall. I could have totally done that, by the way, if it was a catwalk.

M: Yeah, right. You’re afraid of heights. You can’t even jump on the couch like I can.

B: Whatever. Andrew would TOTALLY go out with me over you. The really sad thing is that Bill and his “orange dog”, Star, got booted off the show. We love that guy! He’s hilarious!

M: Too bad Star couldn’t fly. She would have looked like a baby carrot…flying through the air.

B: That’s downright poetic, Sis. Maybe there’s some hope for you yet.

HOT!!

PET STAR

M: So we just caught an episode of this on Animal Planet. Seriously, who came up with this schlock?

B: Um, MARIO LOPEZ? Why? Why? Why? He’s not hot nor cute. And what’s up with the judges? Gena Lee Nolin? Dom Irrera? The guy that played J. Peterman on Seinfeld? We can’t even believe that this show lasted for three whole years. Ugh. Blech. I have nothing else to say.

M: Wow, that’s a first.

NOT!