Stop dressing us up in sh*t.

B: What the hell is up with wanting to dress us up all of the time? Yes, we’re adorable. Yes, we would probably look damn good in the little outfits that you see at the pet stores. No, we don’t want you to buy them and put them on us. When did this sh*t start? Do you see anyone out there trying to dress up a Rottweiler in prissy outfits? They would be dead within two seconds. Dead.

Newsflash, people…these stupid outfits aren’t comfortable. They choke us. They impede on us when we’re trying to wrestle. And have you ever tried to take a crap with a little t-shirt hanging over your poop chute?

Oh, and to our owners…you guys SUCK. Yeah, didn’t work out so well for you when you tried to put those ridiculous t-shirts on us, did it?? Do you really think of Mocha as a “Social Butterfly” as it stated on hers? Why the hell did I get the “Some bunny hearts me” one? I think I’m way more social than she is

Here I am going dog-a-tonic on my owner’s lap after she wriggled me into that damn thing. I was so uncomfortable! I couldn’t move, damn it!

Here I am trying to save my sister from the same tragic plight that I had to go through. This is what I do. I care. I help.

Mocha and I are thinking of starting some sort of fund for dogs who are less fortunate than we are. Dogs that have to wear crap like this every day. Perhaps we could get Coldplay to play at the benefit. We could serve “Doggie-tinis” and delicious treats. Maybe get MTV involved. I don’t know…just thinking out loud here.

WHY PARIS? WHY??????? STOP THE MADNESS!