M: So yesterday we had to go to the nice lady in the white coat. First, we had to wait in our pet carrier (which is stuffy enough, thank you very much) in the greenhouse-like heat of the waiting room. No air conditioning. I mean, come on, you’d think that we could get some air conditioning or a fan….something…..anything. Finally, it was our turn. First, we get weighed on the big scale. I weighed 5.5 pounds and my darling sister weighed 5.4. Bitch. It’s all those damn treats that they’re feeding us.
Next, I had to go up on the large, metal tray that dangles in the air (did I mention that I have a fear of heights?), while I was poked and prodded by the lady in the white coat. Then, out of NOWHERE, she takes this HUGE needle and POKES me with the damn thing! I screamed, obviously. The pain was too much to bear. Who the hell does this woman think she is? Oh sure, it’s supposed to “protect” me from “disease” and what not. Surely there has got to be a better, less scary way to do this. And our owners? They just sit their like a bunch of dummies looking at me while I’m going through this. I didn’t sign up for this crap, I tell you. Like their stupid “Oh, poor Mocha” is going to make me feel any better. I don’t need their pity. Someone give a damn treat, pronto.
B: You think you had it bad? When I got up there I wasn’t only poked and prodded….NO. Something much scarier happened to me. I was minding my own business, when all of a sudden the lady in the white coat takes out this ridiculous stick-looking thing and applies some goo to the end of it. I find out that this is a thermometer. She then proceeds to shove said thermometer up where the sun don’t shine and she KEEPS it in there for a good two or three minutes. I have no words. No words I tell you.
M: Uh, it was like a minute. Don’t be a drama queen.
B: Uh, it was way longer than a minute. You were too busy stuffing that treat that she gave you into your mouth, so there was no way you saw anything.
M: I was POKED, damn you! That treat was the only solace I had!
B: Whatever. Let’s agree to disagree.
M: Fine. Let’s agree that the white lady in the white coat sucks.
B: Totally.
B: Here we are after we came back from that grueling experience. As you can plainly see…I was much more traumatized by the event than my sister was….no matter what she says.
M: OMG! I was POKED!!!!
